The Albion Hotel Grandeoso Challenge

We'd been hearing about it for a while. It was supposed to be Melbourne's biggest parma. And the record for eating it was nine minutes. Many parma eaters had come before us and failed. Some had succeeded, but had felt the after effects.

We are talking about The Albion Hotel's Grandeoso Parma.

Weighing in at 900g, this double decker phenomenon can only be tackled on an empty stomach (or a series thereof).

So out we headed one Wednesday night and the Hawaiian Grandioso parma was ordered. Upon arriving at the table it attracted many a stare from neighbouring onlookers. If first impressions are anything to go by, then conquering this parma was going to be a challenge. Had this been a mistake? A lapse in judgement perhaps? Should I have ordered the salad instead? Okay that wasn't even considered, but I did question if I should've ordered the standard parma instead.

But it was too late now. The Titanic had arrived, and it looked to be unsinkable.

To even attempt to finish this parma, a strategy needed to be employed. The chosen strategy – eat quickly before the mind decides the stomach is full. With this in mind, I started on the top deck and four minutes later, it was gone. I was off to a strong start, but this pace couldn't be held up for long.

Onto layer 2. Mouthfuls took longer to chew, the throat no longer as slick as it began. I was praying for an iceberg – so I ordered another beverage. With each swallow, my body begged me to stop. And I hadn't even got to the chips yet. But I couldn't stop now.

After a total of 20 minutes of solid eating, the parma dubbed as unsinkable was no more. With a stretched stomach resembling that of a pregnant woman, I placed the knife and fork down on the table and allowed the parma to settle.

It was over, and I never need to do it again.